Though a lot of sexually active men and women consider female orgasm as the peak of sexual excitement, defining it as “the acme of the sexual act,” there’s a different untapped layer of super pleasure for women that’s characterised by splashing out a clean ‘colorless’ water, called squirting.
Considering the fact that a lot of women in our African settings have not really even experienced any sort of intense orgasm before, it’s plausible to assume that a good number of our people have not even heard of squirting—or somewhat considers it ‘nasty’ and a ‘sexual unicorn’
Sexual liberation is at the bottom of our personal development as Africans and this is perhaps so because of this hovering misconception that there’s something fundamentally weird, tacky, ungodly or inappropriate about sex. And that, knowing your body or what works for you is diabolical, especially when you are a woman.
Prior to writing this piece, I spoke to a female celebrity friend, who postulated that “the problem when it comes to African women and sexual navigations is entrenched in our upbringing. We are born into a culture where anything sexual is regarded as some sort of taboo.”
“And women who are sexually knowledgeable are deemed to be sluts or have had multiple sexual relationships—with men usually asking, how did you get to know all these things if that’s not the case,” she said.
As a Ghanaian man, the above is not alien to me as I have had some of my male friends question how their partners became so sexually lively with their desire to go beyond the ordinary being treated as whorish—ending with, “they must have been up to a lot before our meeting.”
I have some years back shared in the false idea that a sexually liberated woman is to some extent “cheap or loose”—this is a widespread concept among Africans, curtailing the willingness and freedom of our African woman to freely explore themselves and consequently, giving us shitty pleasure which we ironically complain about in private.
It’s true that most African men would want to have a freak in bed and a seemingly sexually novice outside the bedroom to showcase to the world—because the latter mirrors our good definition of decency. However, it’s practically impossible for a man to have a partner who would forever remain sexually innocent and still be able to satisfy his insatiable, sometimes freaky desires.
That’s the conundrum facing most African relationships, both new and old.
Because of the existing skewed African patriarchal conception that a woman who knows too much in bed has been a subject or victim of multiple “sexual bouts”, a lot of African women have adopted a cleverly pleasant, albeit self-torturing approach when it comes to sex. They pretend to know little or nothing, in attempt to escape from being labelled whores thereby holding back on their true freakish desires or limiting themselves to a tiny corner in a sexual room of endless possibilities.
Sex has long been ensnared in a cage as far as the African is concerned and even those who have obtained society’s express approval to indulge in sexual acts through marriage are still haunted by the myths of their early and teenage days—where masturbation, a perfectly normal human activity to create sexual awakening and satisfaction remains the work of an invincible devil.
It wouldn’t be a complete hyperbole to say that, a lot of Africans are trapped in sexually unfulfilling relationships—simply because we are mostly lying to each other as to what we really want, for fear of being branded the worse. And our women suffer most under this scheme of hypocrisy.
Akosua Abebrese, a writer for GhanaCelebrities.Com and a self-proclaimed sexual libertarian told me that, almost all her friends have not experienced the holy-grail of squirting before and she blames it on their sexually enslaved mindset.
She said: “sexual satisfaction comes from a woman’s ability to be free, knowing that she wouldn’t be judged and her willingness to allow it all wouldn’t be construed to mean anything else inappropriate. When your mind is wondering or locked on the suspicion that even telling your Ghanaian partner were to touch or what gets you there will hurt his idea of you being a good girl, you don’t really get anything worthy out of sex—except a pile of sweat all over your unsatisfied face.”
If a lot of African women are not able to explore themselves and those who have are unable to share the secret roadmaps with their partners, then how would any sort of deeper satisfaction ever be freely obtained?
Since “common” orgasm remains an idea, probably an illusion of satisfaction many African women have to put forward in order not to hurt their egoistic partners, you can estimate the number of our women who are able to go beyond this into the wonderland of squirting.
Look, it’s that bad. I am talking about a group of women who wouldn’t even make any sexual noise-“copulatory vocalization” because that will serve as an indication that they are enjoying an act they’ve agreed to be part of—that they ought to enjoy.
Ellen, a friend, recently mentioned that; “she cannot even remember ever getting any good satisfaction from sex because penetration does not work for her and that’s all her boyfriend goes straight for. Ultimately, it’s the man who gets to cum—while she pretends to have also gotten to her climax.”
A married friend of mine who claims the only route to her climax is licking has been denied this since she became a wife, because her highly religious husband finds going down on her ungodly and a taint of his mouth meant for the proclamation of God’s message. Interestingly, he gladly accepts and cherishes the regular blowjobs she gives out to him.
No matter how sad or selfishness this may sound on the part of the man, that’s to me what a typical sexual relationship of most Africans look like—at least, from conversations I have had with those brave enough to get into this area of discourse.
Against this background of female pretense, their reluctance to let go and the practice of sex coming to an end when the man finally shoots out, you can imagine the sort of facial express and inner satisfaction an African woman would have on when she is offered what seems unique, squirting—something beyond “ordinary” orgasm, I mean what most Africans are only aware of because they’ve seen it in a p**n they cannot even accept they’ve ever watched.
Of course, squirting is perfectly normal—and don’t confuse that with an over packed “wee.” In fact, there are numerous techniques online about how to get a woman to splash that holy water all over your bed, if you like it, all over your face. Toys are known to be great for this magic but Africans and toys is a whole new unpleasant conversation.
If there’s any day you will ever feel like a real man, it’s when you get your African woman to let go, scream her head off and squirt it all out. She will always remember it as a lot of women do not even harbor the idea that they are capable of reaching that sexual apogee.
The leading act can be monotonous even when you are guided or familiar with the journey but eventually when it splashes, the feeling and aftermath conversations would definitely be priceless.
Remember, an African woman is not a firewood!