The Netherlands Officially Recognises The Church Of The Flying Spaghetti Monster As A Religion

Dutch emblem of the FSM

Dutch emblem of the FSM

The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, whose adherents are known as Pastafarians, have won a huge victory for their relatively new religion- which is winning official recognition from the government of the land- in this case the Netherlands.

The church has sprung up in some countries across the world, as a counter point to the ridiculousness endemic in religious belief. Even though it was set up as a parody faith, it has grown into a bigger movement of secularists and free thinkers, and they continue to win several battles, utilising the free institutionalised breaks we give the religious.

According to the UK Metro, the Dutch arm of the church was granted its official status earlier this week. The country’s commerce chamber wrote to the group informing them of their official status.

A spokesman for the Dutch arm of the group said: ‘The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is since today officially registered as Denomination!

“Our church stands for equality for all. Therefore, anyone can sign up free of charge and without obligation.

“To express our faith we put a colander on our heads. Also on official government documents.

“We come together in local churches and at events. Our services are especially devoted to socialising. So we eat pasta, we drink beer and discuss faith.”

Does that sound like a church you DON’T want to join?

The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster was founded in 2005 by Bobby Henderson, as a parody of the ridiculous beliefs of creationists. You know, those people who believe, in the face of all scientific evidence- that the earth is 6,000 years old, that a man once gathered all the world’s animals onto a boat, and that we descended from a Middle Eastern couple in a garden with talking snakes. Ooops, I think I just inadvertently described most of my fellow countrymen/women.

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As the Metro further notes, “Pastafarians believe heaven is a beer volcano with a stripper factory, while hell is the same but the beer is stale and the strippers have s*xually transmitted diseases.

Founder Henderson explains further: ‘We believe the Flying Spaghetti Monster created the world much as it exists today, but for reasons unknown made it appear that the universe is billions of years old (instead of thousands) and that life evolved into its current state (rather than created in its current form).

There are several pieces of evidence for the existence of the FSM, one crucial one is that DNA is shaped like noodles and planets are shaped like meatballs. Pretty convincing if you ask me.

This all sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? That’s because it is meant to be ridiculous, and it perfectly illustrates why satire is such a powerful art form. Most religious people would scoff at the beliefs of Pastafarians, but when held up to scrutiny their beliefs fall flat just as much as that of the FSM. You’re going to seriously tell me that a virgin giving birth or Noah’s Ark or Mohammed flying to heaven on a horse is less ridiculous than any of the FSM’s beliefs? The only reason the former sounds plausible is because you’ve probably been indoctrinated into it since birth. That’s the power of religion right there.

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Oh, and Pastafarians take their official documents photos with a colander on their heads, kinda like their own hijabs. And recently, one member in the US won the right in court to use hers in her driver’s license photo, you know, deeply held religious belief and all- so even backwards evangelical USA is catching up.

More than religious beliefs, exceptions such as those also expose the privilege we hand to religion in society, such as tax cuts, even exceptions to prosecuting parents who kill their kids because they’ll rely on faith rather than taking them to hospital, and many others.

The Satanic Temple is also growing in strength in the US, as secularists attempt to keep the religious from driving the species extinct in their fanaticism. If they’re not killing in the name of God, they’re saying we should ignore climate change in the name of God, or teaching the kids, consciously or unconsciously, to be anti-science; that last one is actually quite rampant in Ghana.

Hopefully we kick that attribute one day. R’amen.