For different reasons, certain enterprises including relationships may not be of interest to us at a point in time—and as human beings, we have the right to evaluate things before jumping into them.
Sometimes, there is a genuine cause for concern when a person who was once not interested in a relationship with you makes a grand return and this time, he/she is not only up for a relationship but seems to be ready to even get married.
The moment this happens, the disconnect between the action and response requires, that the returnee must be well assessed and If possible, the hidden truth of his or grand gesture must be ascertained. After all, a toad does not run in the daytime for nothing…
Perhaps, my experience with a certain relationship returnee may help answer the question; what changed, when the person who was not interested in you returns?
During my College days in London, I met a beautiful young girl who knew how to rock the latest weave. Though I do not have any sort of admiration for weaves, she kept hers decent and the fact that it always smelled good made it not an issue of concern.
She was my senior in College and from the day we were introduced to each other by a mutual friend, my pursuit was on. Of course, I expected her to pull some few women strings before saying ‘yes’ to a relationship but it turned out that, she was set to waste my time.
On campus, it was a little intimidating for a junior to hold on to such a hot pursuit of a senior and the fact that she was as hot as the chase itself made it difficult. Almost everyone wanted a piece of her—as if she was some well decorated Christmas cake.
In the comfort of my mind, the situation was nothing new since all the women I had been with were somehow my senior—by age, career or education. She gave me a deserving attention and about twice a week, we had lunch together. Of course, paid by me and I kept looking for those dates, hoping they would increase my chance of scoring a relationship.
Let me be frank, I wanted sex first followed by a relationship—that is if it was not going to be a problem for her. I did all that my years of dating out of my league had taught me and borrowed some few tricks and lessons from my friends who were all in the game with me. They wanted to help ‘homeboy’ nail one of the most beautiful seniors on campus. At this stage, let me call her ‘B’.
Then ‘B’ decided she wanted to change her course—which meant that, she was going to change College too. It was sudden but she was eager to make it and I didn’t want to sound negative, so I told her to go for what she wants.
Eventually, she left my College but we saw each other regularly—in fact, we spent more time together than we did when we were in the same College. I was extra nice to her, hoping such gestures would advance my position in her heart and life.
She had a boyfriend and I knew about this from day one. But as the saying goes “it was her I was chasing and not her goddam boyfriend” so I did not really care. Again, her boyfriend was more of an ass and their relationship was a joke—at least it seemed so and she accepted it was on many occasions.
‘B’ would come over to my place as early as 9am and stay in my little room till around 8pm. We spent such days watching movies in bed and living on the usual Singapore fried rice we always ordered from the road side Chinese restaurant.
For over 6 months, we got closer and occasionally when my family witches forgot about me, ‘B’ would give me an intimate kiss—followed by, this does not mean I am interested in a relationship. Mostly, she would call the experience a mistake which should not have happened. It was inevitable, considering the number of hours we spent on bed together, watching movies and holding hands.
I was getting tired of the situation and could not connect the many times ‘B’ was visiting to ‘her interest’. What was the point in ‘her always coming around when she is aware of what I want and claims not to be interested’, I occasionally asked myself.
We had a big fight over something silly and that broke the over 6 months of pursuit. I needed the break because I was getting a lot of attention from someone else and ‘B’ was becoming an obstacle.
I made no attempt to revive things with ‘B’ so that I could use the break to find out what the offer from the other woman was like—and it was pretty interesting.
After almost a year of ‘B’ having been gone, I got a call from her one morning. She sounded very excited about us talking and asked if she could pass by my place after work. I was not going to allow her to waste my time anymore but I still said ‘Yes’.
Later that evening, she turned up at the door with 3 bowls of Chinese, some drinks and even a pair of sneakers. She said she bought the sneakers for me when she was on her lunch break. I was not just shocked; I was confused as to what was happening…
When I returned from the kitchen with 2 plates for the food, I came to meet her sitting on the floor in just her bra. Her blue pair of jeans was off, so she sat on the carpet in her black net thigh—and that was how we had the dinner…
The moment she left, I called two of my friends to tell them what had just happened—and more importantly to see if they could find answers to my confusion. The question remained; what changed?
Later that night, ‘B’ texted to ask if she could pass through my place in the morning before going to see her friend, because it was her day off… Though confused, I couldn’t say No—hoping her second visit was going to give me some answers.
She was supposed to arrive at 10am but she actually kicked me out of bed around 9am. I left her in the room to take my shower and when I returned, she had fried some eggs that she bought on her way and breakfast was ready.
This time, she ate while seated on my single student bed just in her panties and bra. Once again, she had taken off her clothes, saying, it was hot. My room was small and the heater was a little high but it had always been that way—even those days she used to come around. Nothing had changed about the heating so I was not buying into her ‘too hot’ excuses.
After the breakfast, we watched our first movie—and then the second. I heard her talking to her friend on the phone. She re-arranged their meeting so she could spend the whole day with me, she said.
Before we had lunch, there was a bigger lunch for me. She jumped on me and before I could even think about what was happening, we were knocking each other…
After the sex, we talked a lot and that was when she said, she wanted a relationship. I could not ask what changed but I told her I was seeing someone. I did not care what her response was going to be—after all, I had already knocked things…
She agreed to become the side chick, adding that, she knows with time she will win me over—and that, the other woman is in the picture because we lost contact for a while. I was going to be knocking two boots here and there—legally, so I kept nodding to every sentence…
The next 3 months saw ‘B’ doing more than necessary, cooking, buying me all manner of things, paying for holidays away with me and literally jumping at every opportunity to be around me.
It became scary for me as I couldn’t find answer to the question; what changed? Things continued for a little longer until she came down one day with a loud demand that, I should choose between her and the other woman (this woman was married so she could not be picked).
But I told her, I wanted to be with the other woman because it would be unfair to disappear when she had not done anything worth a disappearance. I said this simply because I was uncomfortable with developments—and scared about what must have caused things to turn out this way with B. It was too good to be true and I was not going to ignore the handwriting on the wall.
A lot had not changed about me. I had not won the Euro millions and I was still the same broke law student ‘B’ knew in College but was not interested in.
Up to date, I am not sure what changed but I am certain this happens a lot—when the person who was not interested in you returns in a grand way…
So I am asking; what really brings such people back? Have you had a similar experience and how did you handle it?