What Changed? | When the Person Who Was Not Interested in You Returns

black couple

For different reasons, certain enterprises including relationships may not be of interest to us at a point in time—and as human beings, we have the right to evaluate things before jumping into them.

Sometimes, there is a genuine cause for concern when a person who was once not interested in a relationship with you makes a grand return and this time, he/she is not only up for a relationship but seems to be ready to even get married.

The moment this happens, the disconnect between the action and response requires, that the returnee must be well assessed and If possible, the hidden truth of his or grand gesture must be ascertained. After all, a toad does not run in the daytime for nothing…

Perhaps, my experience with a certain relationship returnee may help answer the question; what changed, when the person who was not interested in you returns?

During my College days in London, I met a beautiful young girl who knew how to rock the latest weave. Though I do not have any sort of admiration for weaves, she kept hers decent and the fact that it always smelled good made it not an issue of concern.

She was my senior in College and from the day we were introduced to each other by a mutual friend, my pursuit was on. Of course, I expected her to pull some few women strings before saying ‘yes’ to a relationship but it turned out that, she was set to waste my time.

On campus, it was a little intimidating for a junior to hold on to such a hot pursuit of a senior and the fact that she was as hot as the chase itself made it difficult. Almost everyone wanted a piece of her—as if she was some well decorated Christmas cake.

In the comfort of my mind, the situation was nothing new since all the women I had been with were somehow my senior—by age, career or education. She gave me a deserving attention and about twice a week, we had lunch together. Of course, paid by me and I kept looking for those dates, hoping they would increase my chance of scoring a relationship.

Let me be frank, I wanted sex first followed by a relationship—that is if it was not going to be a problem for her. I did all that my years of dating out of my league had taught me and borrowed some few tricks and lessons from my friends who were all in the game with me. They wanted to help ‘homeboy’ nail one of the most beautiful seniors on campus. At this stage, let me call her ‘B’.

Then ‘B’ decided she wanted to change her course—which meant that, she was going to change College too. It was sudden but she was eager to make it and I didn’t want to sound negative, so I told her to go for what she wants.

Eventually, she left my College but we saw each other regularly—in fact, we spent more time together than we did when we were in the same College. I was extra nice to her, hoping such gestures would advance my position in her heart and life.

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She had a boyfriend and I knew about this from day one. But as the saying goes “it was her I was chasing and not her goddam boyfriend” so I did not really care. Again, her boyfriend was more of an ass and their relationship was a joke—at least it seemed so and she accepted it was on many occasions.

‘B’ would come over to my place as early as 9am and stay in my little room till around 8pm. We spent such days watching movies in bed and living on the usual Singapore fried rice we always ordered from the road side Chinese restaurant.

For over 6 months, we got closer and occasionally when my family witches forgot about me, ‘B’ would give me an intimate kiss—followed by, this does not mean I am interested in a relationship. Mostly, she would call the experience a mistake which should not have happened. It was inevitable, considering the number of hours we spent on bed together, watching movies and holding hands.

I was getting tired of the situation and could not connect the many times ‘B’ was visiting to ‘her interest’. What was the point in ‘her always coming around when she is aware of what I want and claims not to be interested’, I occasionally asked myself.

We had a big fight over something silly and that broke the over 6 months of pursuit. I needed the break because I was getting a lot of attention from someone else and ‘B’ was becoming an obstacle.

I made no attempt to revive things with ‘B’ so that I could use the break to find out what the offer from the other woman was like—and it was pretty interesting.

After almost a year of ‘B’ having been gone, I got a call from her one morning. She sounded very excited about us talking and asked if she could pass by my place after work. I was not going to allow her to waste my time anymore but I still said ‘Yes’.

Later that evening, she turned up at the door with 3 bowls of Chinese, some drinks and even a pair of sneakers. She said she bought the sneakers for me when she was on her lunch break. I was not just shocked; I was confused as to what was happening…

When I returned from the kitchen with 2 plates for the food, I came to meet her sitting on the floor in just her bra. Her blue pair of jeans was off, so she sat on the carpet in her black net thigh—and that was how we had the dinner…

The moment she left, I called two of my friends to tell them what had just happened—and more importantly to see if they could find answers to my confusion. The question remained; what changed?

Later that night, ‘B’ texted to ask if she could pass through my place in the morning before going to see her friend, because it was her day off… Though confused, I couldn’t say No—hoping her second visit was going to give me some answers.

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She was supposed to arrive at 10am but she actually kicked me out of bed around 9am. I left her in the room to take my shower and when I returned, she had fried some eggs that she bought on her way and breakfast was ready.

This time, she ate while seated on my single student bed just in her panties and bra. Once again, she had taken off her clothes, saying, it was hot. My room was small and the heater was a little high but it had always been that way—even those days she used to come around. Nothing had changed about the heating so I was not buying into her ‘too hot’ excuses.

After the breakfast, we watched our first movie—and then the second. I heard her talking to her friend on the phone. She re-arranged their meeting so she could spend the whole day with me, she said.

Before we had lunch, there was a bigger lunch for me. She jumped on me and before I could even think about what was happening, we were knocking each other…

After the sex, we talked a lot and that was when she said, she wanted a relationship. I could not ask what changed but I told her I was seeing someone. I did not care what her response was going to be—after all, I had already knocked things…

She agreed to become the side chick, adding that, she knows with time she will win me over—and that, the other woman is in the picture because we lost contact for a while. I was going to be knocking two boots here and there—legally, so I kept nodding to every sentence…

The next 3 months saw ‘B’ doing more than necessary, cooking, buying me all manner of things, paying for holidays away with me and literally jumping at every opportunity to be around me.

It became scary for me as I couldn’t find answer to the question; what changed? Things continued for a little longer until she came down one day with a loud demand that, I should choose between her and the other woman (this woman was married so she could not be picked).

But I told her, I wanted to be with the other woman because it would be unfair to disappear when she had not done anything worth a disappearance. I said this simply because I was uncomfortable with developments—and scared about what must have caused things to turn out this way with B. It was too good to be true and I was not going to ignore the handwriting on the wall.

A lot had not changed about me. I had not won the Euro millions and I was still the same broke law student ‘B’ knew in College but was not interested in.

Up to date, I am not sure what changed but I am certain this happens a lot—when the person who was not interested in you returns in a grand way…

So I am asking; what really brings such people back? Have you had a similar experience and how did you handle it?


Boat says:

Maybe she had a strong sense of commitment toward her former relationship and couldn’t give it all in for u then. She makes a grand return b’cos nothing is holding her back anymore.

I understand what you are saying but what sort of strong commitment is this when you spend days in bed with another guy? There is some big pot hole in this commitment then…LOL

Thanks for commenting and hope to see more of you around here.

Missy says:

Hmmm I’m in a similar situation… Let’s say A gave the impression of wanting to have fun…to cut story short, after years he’s bk and want something really serious….I guess I’m also wondering what’s really changed….with your case
1. Perhaps she realizes how stupid the guys she’s been spending time with are a waste of time….a bit of generalization here, but some of us women like the type of guy that’s always a “man” not the kind that abuses us or anything….a bit hard to explain…maybe there was something that wasn’t interesting and exciting enough….
2. Some women finds it hard to break it off with a guy they really liked in the first place…even though they treat them badly…it’s worst when the guy used to be a good guy….we keep hoping he will change….and we tolerate a lot of crap from a guy we really like….so it might have taken her a lot of time to gather herself and perhaps the step to break it off from her man…..
We will never know what changed…I guess it’s best to hear it from the horses mouth….

So how are you handling the situation? Have you decided to give A the hope/means to to think that yeah you are available for the ‘something serious’ he now whats?

It is good to hear the men are also taking part in the grand back—and I think mostly, there is something behind this come back. We may never know but we should not also just believe the reasons they cite.

I don’t think you have changed much, yet, he has now moved from wanting fun to something serious.

Pretty interesting…

Thanks for commenting and hope to see more of you around here.

Missy says:

You are right….I haven’t changed….but then again once bitten once….loool I honestly I don’t know if I should go for it or not…he had his chance and blew it….so what’s gon be different this time….lol what’s changed….such a simple question…yet not easy to find the right answers

frog says:

Well there are many reasons that come to mind.
1. She was distracted with other guys and she has now been able to filter the useless ones and had now seen u were the right one.
2.She has been shunned by all those boys she tot liked her and u were her second chance at redemption
3. She might just be reliving her past.
4 . Maybe she is just being adventurous
5.She might be using u for juju. (couldn’t help myself with that one. Lol)
Point is women are crazy u will never why she came back and she might never tell u. They always see the big picture a little too late. U did gud by letting her go cos u just can’t eat up cake and still have it.

Yeah, I think I will choose your number 5 reason. She wanted to use me for juju and it backfired—that is if juju on men works…LOL

On a serious note, women are indeed ‘crazy’ when it comes to relationships and many other things. They are mostly late—just like the cops in Hollywood movies.

Thanks for commenting and hope to see you around here—more

Ms Lynn says:

I believe that this happens all the time. I guess because she had a man she did not want to do anything with u although the guy was a asshole it was probably hard for her to walk away. She came back because deep down she wanted u, and also because she was free from the guy,

Yeah, shockingly, I did not even ask about the guy again but I guess it was over as you said. I find it a little absurd that women are not easily able to walk away from assholes (borrowing your word).

The coming back may have been due to she ending it with the guy as you said or deep down she wanted things—but then, what about me? She did not probably consider if I was still available for her deep down journey…This is where the returnees always seem to fall into a pit, they make it all about themselves, leaving the other person confused as to; what changed or why the ‘grand’ return.

Thanks for commenting and hope to see more of you here. 🙂

Missy says:

But sometimes women in a bad relationship….even though they find it hard to leave….perhaps she saw you having the same traits of how her man pursued her in the first place…so in the middle of this she could be having lots of what “ifs”…what if you end up treating her bad like her man…but one thing I know is, some women need a very solid reason to get out of a relationship when it’s about breaking it off to be with another man…even some men are like that….they won’t break up with a girl even if it’s a witch….looool as that ve been together for a long time…maybe you didn’t give her the right reason to break up with her man

Yeah, it is not easy for everything (both men and women) to jump of out something they are used to—into another, not knowing what the other may bring.

I guess that is where the saying; the devil you know is better than the angel you do not know come from.

But enduring any form of abuse or violence is a NO NO, and the there is no excuse to staying in such relationships.

Catherine says:

You ignored her and that posed a great challenge for her which she overcame. The other lady was great competition adding to her wonderful adventure. But of course the time came where she needed to have that sole power over you hence the ultimatum to choose one of them. Women women women we are so amazing.

Yeah indeed women are amazing; at the time I was giving her all the attention, she did not open her legs for me. But then she appears later on when you are not interested and chase you with her legs wide opened.

At this stage, you begin to worry and ask yourself the question; what just happened or what changed?

Thanks for commenting and hope to see you around

ama says:

Well I think when she got hint of the other woman she got jealous and somehow wanted to prove to herself that she was still hot in your eyes………Also she may have been waiting all this while during your friendship for you to be a man and I guess that never materialized that’s y she took that bold step.

I think it could be more of the first point you made. Because, during the friendship, I stood as a MAN and she knew I wanted sex, and more (I mean relationship was on the table but the sex came first). And yet she kept saying she was not interested in any.

Thanks for commenting and hope to see you around here. 🙂

A GOD says:

Actually she is right, you didn’t stand as a man.. You displayed a lot of beta male characteristics. thats why it took her longer for her to be interested in you sexually..

she was emotionally invested in her boyfriend at the time and you were not doing enough, attraction wise, to break that emotional hold .. so she had no choice but to naturally put you in the relationship material category or friends for a while category. when a woman puts you in that zone they usually will hold sex from you until they feel a sexual attraction towards you..

Your mistake was that you was too nice to her in the beginning and you thought by being nice will lead to her liking you. the problem, which many guys fail to realize is that being nice or spending on a woman initially(one you have not bedded) does not lead to leg opening or falling for you..it sends the wrong message– buying her love. and that is a recipe for being put in the friends zone..

You were actually lucky you slept with her..The reason being that you wasn’t needy the second time around.(aided by the fact that you were already knacking someone else). you were laid back and wasn’t desperate and made no attempt to sleep with her even after stripping to her bra..

if you had made any attempt, she would have held the sex away from you..

I guess this is some inverse law kind of crap—where you are mean and you get the good reward, but when you are nice, the reward is never what you wanted.

Sometimes you can’t help except to think, I have to give this woman some good attention and be nice, hoping to steal her heart and eventually sneak inbetween her legs. But as you’ve said, it mostly does not work that way.

Another reason why most women go for the messy guys, ignoring the nice ones or placing them in friends zone.

Thanks for commenting and hope to see more of you around here…

A GOD says:

No not some inverse kind of crap at all..being mean will never get you the good reward or vice versa.. far from that.. btw f**king a woman should never be looked at as some kind of good reward.. fellas put women on a pesdatral as a result of this thinking..this is where the problem lies with most of us.. but i digress

let me put it this way.. it is not about being mean or being nice..it is the message behind those two behaviors that counts..a jerk does not care what a woman thinks and only cares about themselves..subconsciously even with their emotional instability they know they need nothing else besides themselves to attract a woman…a nice guy on the other hand will put a woman on a pedestal and as such subconsciously thinks will need to be extra nice to win the approval of a woman..they think they are not good enough.. they value a woman’s pussy more than their dicks..they don’t really see themselves a deserving or good enough..to a woman a nice is guy is actually more manipulative and sneaky than a jerk..

And for the record a woman will respond best to a man(an Alpha Male) who elicits positive emotions from them than one who does the opposite(ass holes, jerks, douchebags etc)..

for a woman to have sex with a man they have to be emotionally stimulated, be it positive or negative emotions.

it appears most women likes jerks more but understand that majority of the women who respond to jerks, assholes etc sexually are emotionally unstable and secretly if not unconsciously crave those emotions due to their low self esteems..

Your last paragraph is going to get you castrated or beheaded…LOL

Yeap, the women surely like the jerks–perhaps, another reason why so many men are becoming jerks to fit into the culture